The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
