did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
