Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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