Rock
Scissors
Fuck
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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