i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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