I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
