Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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