I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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