Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
