There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
