Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
