I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
