worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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