I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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