I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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