White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
