You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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