I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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