I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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