Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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