took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
