so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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