nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
