Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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