Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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