I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
