two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
