my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
