They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
