Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
