I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
