This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
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Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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