Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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