Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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