is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Holy shit dude........stairs
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
