I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
