it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
