Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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