What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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