i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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