Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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