Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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