i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
