My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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