i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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