pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
