i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
