haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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