You made me cry and you don't even care
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
