Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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