I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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