I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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