I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
