Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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