we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
