think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
