Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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