dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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