drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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