I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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