Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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