we're blogging at a bar
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
