Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
