very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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