Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
