I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
