She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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