Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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