those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
