I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
