Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
someone owes me an orgasm
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
