I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
