Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Randomize
