You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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