tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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