i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is it because I queefed?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
