Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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