I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
