you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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