Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
