sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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