sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
