walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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