idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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