dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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