I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
